:/ Childhood Bipolar Disorder...

http://bbrfoundation.org/userFiles/facts.bpdchildren.pdf


So, I'm pretty sure I have had Bipolar Disorder my entire life., or at least early onset. I was always wondering why I was so depressed during childhood, isn't that weird? Or that  I started gaining weight when I was about six and started craving high carb foods and sugars. I would go through spurts of excitement and change everything about my personality- suddenly I was a tom boy, Suddenly I was girly, Suddenly I wanted all the cosmetics and I would go on shopping sprees. Mom would say I was good with money but thats a lie...

I'd buy oreo packages and eat the whole thing. I would fantasize about suicide when I was eight, and think about sex a lot, i've been hypersexual for as long as I can remember but i've never been sexually abused. I would get angry and rage on animals, or shut off emotionally and kill moms fish without thinking about it until after when I would be overwhelmed with guilt. I was so certain there was something wrong, but everyone kept reassuring me that I was a normal child. :/

It explains my early interest in poetry and art, and weird films that were beyond my normal abilities. I watched HBO instead of teletoon and couldn't sleep most often, I'd be awake for weeks at a time. My temper tantrums sometimes got so crazy I would scream and scream and scream and blow a blood vessel in my eyeball. :/ I was over sensitive to everything around me, i didn't understand how to socialize and often I would get upset while at a friends house and walk home without telling anyone where I was going.

What makes me angry is that no one noticed. Or if they did they stuck their heads in the sand and pretended like it was nothing while I was raging, depressed and hyper active all for different reasons and sometimes all at the same time. I really wanted help but I felt isolated. And the more that people told me I was normal while the other kids at school thought I was whacked, the more confused I was. I would draw and create complete fantasies in my head about imaginary love affairs and sexual antics with my barbies, and I'd never really been abused nor had any real experience with sex. :/


then again, if anyone was actually aware of the disorder and chemical reactions going on in my brain waves would they be able to help? Would I have been medicated like the kids with ADHD and would I have had health issues because of the meds? Or would they have adjusted my diet and started paying attention to triggers and teaching me how to work with it?

I guess thats the important thing... I now realize I have never been normal. I have always been like this. :/